Marigold’s son, James, was articulate and extremely sensitive. He regularly had jumbo reactions to junior stimuli. For example, no more fruit leather equaled epic meltdown and a slight from a friend meant revenge in the form of hair pulling. For Marigold, every challenging moment with James was a harbinger of future horror. She worried that:
Her son would end up in jail.
He would get addicted to alcohol.
He’d abuse his future wife.
She knew these fears were unfounded, and she hated how they came to her in full technicolor, unbidden. In her worst moments, she felt there was no way to stop the tsunami of a doomed fate from wiping out all her good intentions and loving effort.
However, through working with me, hard moments became just speed bumps and not starting points of tragic trajectories. They were hard moments. Period. There was no meaning outside the experience itself. When her sensitive child misbehaved, she no longer projected a terrible future which she had to prevent with some fancy parenting strategy. She could see the essence of her child, trust his goodness while acknowledging his challenges, and help him to navigate his life – while also seizing the opportunity to grow, herself.
His pain was no longer her failure. His misbehavior wasn’t something she had to fix quickly before it hardened into pathology. His quirks weren’t dangerous. She also didn’t have to protect him from the world with the same exhausting vigilance. She could trust the loving container she created between them and in their home. She could calm her own nervous system, and as a result his nervous system settled down, too. She found an inner location where she could rest. James moved from constant reactivity to better self-regulation.
If you are struggling in your parenting journey, please reach out to me for a free twenty-minute consultation and feel free to pass this on to any parents you know that could use some support. Let’s see if working together can help you reset.
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